Trust Future Forward Goreblot

Trust is such an interesting intangible thing in which we place it and how it’s placed, in what, as if it needs a pedestal or safe container or containment. Much like time is and it keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking, into the future.
Or slipping rather…

I try to keep up, I do.  My last post was a bearing of the soul, a little sharing of my internal struggles and path journeying.  This post brings us back to the good ol’ Goreblot fortunes routine!  I’m in high spirits that I will maintain a regular thing.  I just have to snuggle into a spot.  What say you? Did Fortune Fridays work for you? We’ll figure it out 😉 Let’s get on with it shall we?!

It’s been too long, and now as I write, I feel most alive today where I felt the first kiss of spring on my skin, and a rejuvenation to my soul.  When the air feels clean like this, and everything thawed, there’s no holding back from feeling inspired and motivated.

There’s just a whole bunch more bounce in the step. No resistance, but an excited ease into everything.  Sure, it may be unnatural to have such a climate in February, where the ground was frozen solid but last week.  I found myself walking over an ice-laden beach for a morning stroll. Treacherous. And not much before that I was walking through a snow blizzard along the shores, though still I witnessed some brave souls out there in the waters paddle boarding in the winter surf.

Now, people are out enjoying the rays in mild weather and our calendared seasons are starting to write themselves.

Our environment is changing and our climate, there is no denying the evidence as it stares directly at us. I try to make sure I get outside as much as possible to commune with nature and drink in what I can. Observing the changing hues of the sky, the blustery winds, the animals and bugs scurrying about. There’s so much to learn. I finally (I say finally because I have been wanting to for quite some time) took up studying moths last year. An opportunity unravelled for me where I was lucky to study with other amateurs as well as the pros outside and under the stars. We looked at white sheets for hours, this is how mothing is done. Looking, pointing, taking pictures, writing down the names, awkwardly leafing through the pages of the moth guide. It’s an entire world worth exploring, and that’s just one fraction.

moth on a sheet
Painted Lichen Moth

Eventually, it will be birding, bugging, gardening…

We are so caught up in this world of attainment, consumerism, status, life marking milestones, as well as fighting for ‘rest’ in front of screens, the ubiquitous term of ‘adulting’ slithers in, then we start to lose touch of what’s right under our noses. Other than our smart phones or touchy screen pad things. We want to feel accomplishment, but sometimes it’s hard to decipher just what that is and what that means.

Goreblot Time

With that being said, let’s look into your fortunes and see what kind of guidance a Goreblot can offer. Think of an issue or question you may have and then listen to your first gut impression by picking one of these words: 1. Bile 2. Beget 3. Blasphemy. Then scroll down to find your corresponding Goreblot paintomancy fortune.

Bile, Beget, Blasphemy in text

If you chose 1. Bile
Bile painting
Bile. Delicious digestive fluids. Breakdown and purify those little nuggets that enter in. There’s too much of something that’s wreaking havoc on your system. You need to take stock and figure out what’s going on with you. Or within you.

Your body has layers of accumulated toxins that dance in your fluid streams, vessel streams. Weaving and bobbing, circulating. These toxins catch, pile up, becoming a thick, tar-like mass.

These fluids dance and flit around, dispersing into finer bubbles, gradually becoming more emulsified into one contained, mayonnaise-like fluid. Thick, and spreadable.

Retracing the ingredients and the steps before they all were blended up is what is needed. It’ll be a bit like remembering every step you made in an improv. You acted without thinking, but your body knows and takes stock, it takes all the field notes and then starts reading them back to you. The notes might not make entire sense, translation running through a sort of thick, coagulated, line of gobbledygook.

So it’s up to you to take a step back and simplify. Subtract some ingredients for a while and give your system a break. Perhaps, use one choice ingredient to help unclog and drain your overtaxed pipes. It’s only a matter of time before you start oozing, leaking and/or shutting down as your body is want to do.

When it’s had enough.

Take care! and find a cleansing tonic to expel the buildup, take it consistently until you start seeing improvements. Just stop, rewind, be kind and minimize and simplify. Subtract more, rather than adding more. A simple equation to balance yourself out again.

Find out what seeds you’re eating as a past time activity and you’ll find out what you’re growing…

If you chose 2. Beget
red and green swirly painting
Beget. Beholden. Betrothed. Be. The social pressures of yesteryear are gone. Who are you tricking but yourself? To anticipate what others are going to do and how they are going to react, does not leave space for unpredictable variables.

You hold yourself down anticipating, calculating and trying to predict, making your moves according to how other people may or may not act. Dancing, you are dancing around seemingly strategically. However, you are so not in control. You cannot predict the outcome or the reaction of another as far as you think you can, and in fact, not only are you holding yourself back and giving yourself a disservice, you are not giving any chance on that other person or people. It’s a disrespect. A failure of trust.

Forget thinking you are doing any good trying to make the best step because at this point, you haven’t made any steps. There’s no rush, but just know you won’t get anywhere if you stand still or backtrack and calculate repeatedly. Backtracking will just make you step backwards even further.

Michael Jackson’s moonwalk may appear backwards (or forwards), but pay attention to the physical direction he’s taking. It’s only backwards because he’s not facing the direction he’s going in (or is he going in a direction? or standing still?). Overall, the moonwalk is creating an illusion, of sliding backwards while pushing forward. The illusionist, however, is still going in the direction he’s intended. Tricking you. Smoothing over things. You may put forth all these steps, but ultimately you are still choosing the direction you are going in. So perhaps take the moonwalk as a cue in how you approach your issue – take the steps and look at it from an entirely different direction. You may have to reverse or invert. Where you may be looking out and back, you may need to look forward and in instead. And perhaps, stop tricking yourself. You may be creating all this illusion, but still not moving anywhere and that’s what you’ve decided unbeknownst to yourself.

Most importantly, follow the direction that suits you and please don’t worry about stepping on any toes. Other people have just as much will and an agenda of their own to move and get out of the way or go somewhere else entirely. Or perhaps dance with you. Whatever the case may be. I know it’s not easy, but, trust.

Go forward, be smooth, are you ok? are you ok? I’d say you’re ok…

If you chose 3. Blasphemy
spiral painting with and x
Blasphemy. Against a grain. Spitting on belief. Core centre. Spiral. Have you ever walked a straight line?

No two paths are the same and you are not a bad person to follow what is true to you. But know your impulses, know your tendencies and most importantly, be aware of something that’s much bigger than you. Whatever that looks like to you. Whether it’s a galaxy universe, a deity or god, mother nature, there’s a whole sphere or atmosphere that is beyond your centre. Stroking the inside so much can create these habit loops, these spirals of repetition that find you following your impulses without a conscious mind.

If you want to make your way out, break the chain. You need some support and you need some belief. With support and belief comes trust. It’s so hard, it seems, to trust these days isn’t it? As it’s a way of leaving ourselves vulnerable to unknowns and intangibles. But if you can decide to believe and trust, there can be a sense of relief that you fall into, as it alleviates stressful questions.

Have you ever walked a straight line? Try it. Try a walking meditation where you aim to walk straight, focusing on the line that draws from your feet, your body and how it progresses forward. If you’re on a sidewalk and there’s people you may need to be slow and steady, be aware of your surroundings but still manage your ease and focus. Notice other people move around you, notice the energy they carry and pass it by mindfully aware. Keep to your straight line as much as possible, breathing deep and relaxed. Gaze softened, but still managing to look further ahead to a vanishing point. Observe and feel what is happening in your peripheries.

Remember to notice your breath. Notice when your breath starts to hold or notice where it stops. Notice what thoughts are happening, or what exterior factor is influencing your breath. Finally, trust in your direction, the line and moving forward. Observe the things and people passing through your sphere and remember the sphere that you are on, the Earth. We are all passing through. Your support is your belief and your unabashed trust.

You are…

I hope these Goreblots see you well into the weekend. If you have any questions you can find me here Have a good one!

Love and Guts,
Doc

Goreblot Ghost

doc goreblot looking at the comfort maple
Comfort Maple
“True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about but few have seen.” ~Francois de La Rochefoulcauld

In these winter days, time slips through my papery fingers like slippery sand granules.

When there are not many markers like a routine job to go to, any people I regularly see, or life milestones, I get lost adrift in my own world like an apparition. I become a ghost.

When I was living with my parents, my dad called me a ghost. He exclaimed, “I hardly ever see you, you always go up to your room.  You’re like a ghost in this house.”
My dad is now passed, so ironically he is now the ghost of the house. But, I can’t help but hear his words echo inside my ear these days.

Yes, I’ve been a ghost to this website. I’ve been a ghost to friends and social media. I’ve been but an apparition nervously flitting around trying to find the light.  Trying to find my way. Part of this ghosting is in my history and in my nature. Perhaps, some is due to my being adopted and having awkward attachment issues.

Soul searching can go on for a really, really long time. I think it’s a continuous process anyways. I’ve experimented with different dieting and exercise regime to shake me up and start seizing the day. I made lots of attempts that resulted in lots of failures. I’d make commitments to classes in hopes that somewhere attending those classes, I’d find myself.  Or gain some confidence.

I have been reading lots of self-help and philosophy books which I find do help (I’ll make a list below), but take up a good amount of time to read (because screen distraction in these times break up my attention span even more).  And reading doesn’t always offer immediate insight. But hold on, is there a rush? Insight seems to come at it’s own pace, I’ve found, and through experience.  I simply cannot rush insight, no matter how much I stare and squint at that pot waiting for it to boil. It’s one thing to read and philosophize about a concept and then preach about it, and it’s another thing to actually practice it. One needs to experiment and try things out and eventually something will happen where you will experience something and that’s where the knowledge of insight embeds itself unto/into you.  Take that self!

In these ghost days, I haven’t been completely still.  I have been getting a variety of readings like Tarot, practicing reading my own cards and doing some journalling. I’ve even tried out Past Life Regression, an unexpectedly vivid and intense experience where I gathered some interesting information.  With all these experiences, insights, my darlings, were weeping out of my pores.  But it still seemed like I was dancing around something.

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” ~ Leonardo da Vinci

All of these fantastic attempts at finding some grounding, finding some purpose. But the key I found was finding simplicity and that there is no one key.  As things were expanding, there was some natural contracting to the heat of each moment. But keeping things simple and organized and clear, feels like a definite key to finding myself some grounding and stabilization.

I have anxiety issues that can tumble into depression. Or vice versa. I’ve been able to find the triggers, mostly, and surprise, those are in diet and physical stresses.  It can be so obvious, these straight forward cues, but somehow we can get so embedded in our habits, it’s tricky to remove yourself and look in.  It takes acceptance, and objective observance to really stab at what’s going on underneath the surface.

So back to simplicity- now, I am a person who never got structure drilled in at a young age. I was never told to do chores or make my bed. I didn’t have a particular time where I studied or did my homework, it was always last minute. So I have an extra hard time of creating my own structure.

looking out to the waters
Looking Out- Photo by Harley Pageot

I could sit and hideaway forever like a ghost and not have to deal with people and stressors, but I know as much as anyone I have an itch to scratch and part of that is to come out and seize a purpose that shapes my life. There is too much passion in me to be a ghost and flit about for too long.  There is only so much hiding and feeling sad about hiding that can be done.

I’ve returned to repeated points where I would get tired of myself, the same thoughts and patterns happening over and over. Tired of not putting a foot out there, tired of not trying hard enough.  My history speaks of attempts, but also I must not overlook the successes as they are proof that I can be more and do more.

Simplicity comes to me in form of not trying to tackle all the things, but methodically replacing the bad habits or inserting particular structures.  I also need a slight amount of effort to quiet that convincing drill sergeant in my head.  I’m sure you have one too, screaming in your ear, shouting demands and surely some painful insults to go with them.

To help quiet that sergeant just a little more, I need to remember, and have reminders that, I am enough.  I am worthwhile.

I always knew mornings had something to them every time I’ve attempted to integrate them into my life. Mornings are where things happen. And this is across the board in some research that I have read.  It really is as simple as aligning with nature, where quiet starts and awareness starts taking place.

I discovered making my bed every morning has snowballed into other structure making habits. This stuff is CBT, is yoga practice, is mindfulness, is Ayurveda – it all connects to this idea of simple awareness.  This return to mindful practice.

I can’t stress enough that it isn’t the easiest thing in the world. Especially, where we’re in a world now where our default is to claw around and wrestle with ‘busyness’, stress about future things, agonize about past things and fight for our time.  Time that seems steadily slipping through our key tapping fingers, our gaze, miles away from our bodies.

This is a time now to know that every moment is an opportunity.  An opportunity to live and feel how I want to feel.  Everything else, future worries, past regrets, are just phantoms.  I relinquish my self imposed ghost status as it no longer serves me.

I hope you do the same and become solid with me.

You can find me here, and also here, come say hi!

Love and Guts,

Doc Goreblot

**Here are some helpful books that I have found very useful.

-The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron Ph. D.

here

Goreblot Fortune Friday

Happy Friday everyone! Here is the latest instalment of Goreblot’s Fortune Friday. Think of an issue that you would like to address or need guidance in and then choose one (or more) of the roman numerals I-III, or an object that appeals to you under them (as pictured) and scroll down to find your corresponding fortune!

fortune

A little note on guidance fortunes: These are by no means THE answer to all your problems. The messages are offerings of a form of inspiration to help you realize yourself what changes you need to focus on. If something keeps popping up for you, perhaps it’s time to really zero in on that and work on it. If you’d like to get more personal guidance, I offer personal readings as well in my Etsy store.

On to the fortunes 😀

fortunes

If you chose I:
I

I. Desire for acceptance. Need for affirmation. Longing for attention, or longing to find your tribe. Listen to the issues and struggles you keep banging your head against. Be aware of growth in stillness. Ground your feet into the earth. How can you deal with the issues that keep coming up? The answers are always there, its just a matter of sitting still for long enough and listening to them. ~An excellent phrase I got from one of my Yogi Tea bags (yes, silly tea bags have messages too), “Share your strengths, not your weaknesses.” ~
What’s your story that you keep telling people? Or what’s the story you keep telling yourself? How can you spin it to make it feel good for you? Embellish it, make it into a grand mythos. Branch out of your organ meat. Tell a tall tale authentic to you and/or of authentic you. You can only get authentic for yourself. To start, look at the beginning, maybe find a catch phrase, create an intro, paint a beautiful picture of the scenes that are glued together with you gliding along in them. Represent yourself strongly and you will come off as strong and most importantly, you will feel strong. Puff up your chest proudly to the sky. Now’s not the time to be apologetic of what you have to offer. And don’t be apologetic of who you are and what you do. Offer a ridiculous smile that will infect anyone who dare make eye contact with you.

*Make sure to warm up before practicing any kind of stretching and practice with care to your body if you are new to yoga* suggested Yoga pose medicine: Mountain Pose

If you chose II:
II

II. The skinny vs. fat episode. How one projects their own set of problems on another. Jealousy of what someone assumably is endowed with. What cultural tags go on certain body types. It’s quite the obsession. That feeling that the other person has it easy or somehow is priveleged. A skinny body means fuck all, just as a fat body means fuck all – it’s culturally wrapped in stigma, and distaste, but ultimately it’s up to you to decide how much you want to internalize it’s functions (the labels). Being one or the other should not reflect you as a person. If you are focusing on and negating a body type because you feel you’ll never be like that, you are amplifying and reinforcing these culturally input stigmas and stereotypes, you are feeding into that system and you are reinforcing it into yourself so that it becomes this block. Projections will bounce off each other, you project your assumption onto others openly, the energy of that gets passed around in one big fucking circle jerk. The point is, everybody has their own set of issues of what brought them to where they are. A body shape is only one aspect to a person’s life, it’s not an entire translation, unless that is the person’s entire focus for the rest of their life. Assumptions about appearance will always be there. I encourage you to try to get past the stickiness of it. There’s more to a person than just their appearance. A whole history, a set of situations and a slew of characteristics streaming in their bloodline which got them to where they are, which got them here to where they are today. If you could look at someone’s entire journey, you’ll see it took them a set of their own unique challenges and set of circumstances to get where they are and to realize it. Don’t fall into the trap of comparison. Importance in these issues is coming forward in sharing, being open and honest with yourself and others and your own abilities and if you’re unhappy, look at what adjustments would help you on your journey. Instead of focusing on what makes you unhappy, focus on your own unique challenges and be humble about them. Your challenges are yours and no one can recognize them but you. You have something really cool and awesome to weave in your web of discoveries about your self. See that and own it.

*Make sure to warm up before practicing any kind of stretching and practice with care to your body if you are new to yoga* suggested Yoga pose medicine: Half Lord of the Fishes pose

If you chose III:
III

III. Passion lost. Directionless, no affirmations or inspiration of where to go. Little to no give. Apathetic. What do? It’s a continuous battle to strive or even want to strive for something when there’s no play, no site goal, no encouragement or anything to pump forward. In these times, it’s pertinent to find something that will stick you to progression. It’s easy to forget drive when there’s no vehicle around to steer. So, let me inspire you to find that vehicle. Try getting out and dancing, singing, draw or paint, focus on finding somewhere to play. You haven’t just let yourself play in a while have you? When was the last time you just let loose? And I’m talking about just letting yourself go, allowing yourself some silliness without the fuss of have to’s and perfection. Balance is key to remembering passion or finding passion. Look at the pyramid of Mind, Body, Spirit – all three need to be present in order to navigate life harmoniously. If you’re lacking in one aspect, for instance, you’re body is strong but your mind is weak, find a way to give your mind a workout. Train yourself up. Often times when you start throwing yourself into an aspect that is out of balance, the other aspects can also strengthen with it. Your spirit is low? maybe working on something physical will bring you back to some awareness, bring you back into your mind. It’s no lie when people say they need to go for a run to clear their heads, there really is something to it. Find something to plunge yourself into, even if the other aspects are kicking and screaming, everything will eventually teeter to a balancing point. And if you stumble, that’s alright, because that is part of the process. So allow yourself play, allow yourself to orient yourself to building new skill sets too. Play brings discovery, find out what you can discover simply by giving it a go 😉

*Make sure to warm up before practicing any kind of stretching and practice with care to your body if you are new to yoga* suggested Yoga pose medicine: Tree Pose

Try taking your medicine this week daily and see what things open up for you. Even if you do your pose once or twice, it’s better than none at all. And let me know how you feel!

Love and guts,
Doc G.

A Garbageface Goreblot Fortune Friday!

Happy Full Moon in Scorpio folks! Also, Happy Earth Day! and of course happy happy Friday! This week, I asked the Garbageface to contribute 3 words for me to divine in Goreblot paintomancy fashion.

Here is the Garbage fortunes for this week, featuring GARBAGEFACE!

The choices art: 1. Scarab 2. Candle 3. Yarn
Choose what your guts are telling you, and read further to see what your fortune has to say.

1. Scarab

2016-04-22 08.39.50-1

Skipping pages in a book is like skipping over tiny moments of experience. You may glaze over the important nuances. You’re trying to push and plan for perfection, make something full proof with no mistakes. Avoidant of circumstances which might have you unexpectedly on your toes. All this preparation to save yourself from a feeling you might get, a judgment you think you might receive. But how much are you actually doing? How much time are you carving just frantically planning and thinking? We always tend to run away from feelings, even and especially the ones we imagine. It’s the uncertainty. We’re often the most agitated when we’re waiting forcing ourselves forward, we can’t sit still because of nervous anticipation. How hard it is to sit with that feeling, to find a way to ground ourselves when our minds can’t focus, when we’re racing and grappling for those few steps to make it less flighty and more real. The unknown, really. That’s what we flee from. We try to know it, we think we may know it having our abilities to project ourselves into the future and we project into our futures by reflecting on our pasts, our collected, nostalgic experiences educating us. Why is it so hard to experience the moment as we’re wont to tell ourselves to do these days? this very moment? because it takes a lot of concentration? no. It’s the antithesis of holding onto every thought. It’s recognizing what is in front of you right now. It’s knowing that those unknowns you are waiting for can actually wait for you and you can let them go until you see them and then before you know it, they’re no longer unknown.

Song prescription~ LIKE A BOTTOMLESS PIT (OF COFFEE)(SO PITTED) by GARBAGEFACE

2. Candle.

2016-04-22 08.40.09-2

Prescribe a passion to your life and don’t be afraid to love it hard. With this passion, you will have fights, you will cuddle, you will break-up and then get back together. Passion doesn’t necessarily go away, it just steers in so many courses. Of course you can have many multiple passions and they may have varying intensities and involvements with you. Passion has such a strong presence in life, a fruit was even named after it. Passion, can it be lost? Sure. There are moments of it fizzling out. Burn out happens often, expect that, know that. And those times of wondering what’s next or what’s the point, those are the times of self reflection. When the flame fizzles out and darkness envelopes you, notice the quiet, re-establish your surroundings, your body and your tendencies. There is nothing wrong with contemplation in a quiet dark place. Reconnect with your body particles, your flesh. Passion can take a break. It can be quiet or not there, it can change. it can morph and it will light up differently every time you return to it with a new face, a changed face. When you relax the skin of your face in some corpse pose, looking at the back of your eyelids, what do you see? poke the middle of your forehead, what do you feel? No one can take passion away from you. We often confuse passion with competitiveness. We want to compete our passion to someone else’s. Know that your passion is yours. No one else’s. It’ll strive differently, have a different cadence, it’ll be a different colour or shape. Know that to preserve your passion, you must tend to the flame and if it’s to be blown out take care to mind the wick, preserve it in wax, commit to this and it will last longer. Commitment is what sees your passion through, in darker passionless times, tend to what feeds it, what nourishes it even when it’s hard to lift a finger. A book you read, an art exhibit you attended, a concert you went to. Go to something, look, consume, ignite again when you’re ready.

Song perscription: STEP ONE (BARRAGE OF CERTAINTY) by GARBAGEFACE

3. Yarn

2016-04-22 08.40.19-2

Play entanglement. Personal weave. Intimate gesture. Intricate design. You can sit all night working on your project, your craft, spinning those fibres, creating tangles on purpose to make yourself a puzzle to bury yourself into. Like the Rubix cube, your squares have to be a bit mismatched until you get it all lined up. It’s that reaching for fabrication, building those connections, looking for that sweet spot to produce the myelin, a network of brain tubes wrapping and growing to create something learned. That sweet spot to take your craft further. At first the feeling is resistance, procrastination to focus. Please push the anxieties that cling to sir procrastination aside, they’re dead weight. There’s something quite beautiful about fibrous threads, they can knit together in so many ways – weaving, felting, crocheting, sewing stitches all different patterns but similar structures in that they crossover. The threads hold each other together, bound by knots, laying over each other, tightening in a ball, tightening. Your creative endeavours are calling for cross reference, for a different approach. It’s calling for a bit of a mess to happen so a new entanglement can be found, a new network of knots and stitches, knitted fibres becoming one mass of something shapely, if anything. And then things will line up like the matched up sides of that tricky algorithm of the Rubix cube. Simply put, things will need to look fucked up, be fucked up, and this will happen right before things start to lace together. The more fuckery, the more fiddling, the more attention to finding the right place. Allow yourself to submerge in this beautiful process of struggle. Struggle really is your friend.

Song perscription: REAL LIFE IN SUBMERSION by GARBAGEFACE

Have a good one! Make sure to get some moonshine while you can, it probably has some source of vitamin in it. And until next time….

Love and guts,
Doc G.