Goreblot Ghost

doc goreblot looking at the comfort maple
Comfort Maple
“True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about but few have seen.” ~Francois de La Rochefoulcauld

In these winter days, time slips through my papery fingers like slippery sand granules.

When there are not many markers like a routine job to go to, any people I regularly see, or life milestones, I get lost adrift in my own world like an apparition. I become a ghost.

When I was living with my parents, my dad called me a ghost. He exclaimed, “I hardly ever see you, you always go up to your room.  You’re like a ghost in this house.”
My dad is now passed, so ironically he is now the ghost of the house. But, I can’t help but hear his words echo inside my ear these days.

Yes, I’ve been a ghost to this website. I’ve been a ghost to friends and social media. I’ve been but an apparition nervously flitting around trying to find the light.  Trying to find my way. Part of this ghosting is in my history and in my nature. Perhaps, some is due to my being adopted and having awkward attachment issues.

Soul searching can go on for a really, really long time. I think it’s a continuous process anyways. I’ve experimented with different dieting and exercise regime to shake me up and start seizing the day. I made lots of attempts that resulted in lots of failures. I’d make commitments to classes in hopes that somewhere attending those classes, I’d find myself.  Or gain some confidence.

I have been reading lots of self-help and philosophy books which I find do help (I’ll make a list below), but take up a good amount of time to read (because screen distraction in these times break up my attention span even more).  And reading doesn’t always offer immediate insight. But hold on, is there a rush? Insight seems to come at it’s own pace, I’ve found, and through experience.  I simply cannot rush insight, no matter how much I stare and squint at that pot waiting for it to boil. It’s one thing to read and philosophize about a concept and then preach about it, and it’s another thing to actually practice it. One needs to experiment and try things out and eventually something will happen where you will experience something and that’s where the knowledge of insight embeds itself unto/into you.  Take that self!

In these ghost days, I haven’t been completely still.  I have been getting a variety of readings like Tarot, practicing reading my own cards and doing some journalling. I’ve even tried out Past Life Regression, an unexpectedly vivid and intense experience where I gathered some interesting information.  With all these experiences, insights, my darlings, were weeping out of my pores.  But it still seemed like I was dancing around something.

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” ~ Leonardo da Vinci

All of these fantastic attempts at finding some grounding, finding some purpose. But the key I found was finding simplicity and that there is no one key.  As things were expanding, there was some natural contracting to the heat of each moment. But keeping things simple and organized and clear, feels like a definite key to finding myself some grounding and stabilization.

I have anxiety issues that can tumble into depression. Or vice versa. I’ve been able to find the triggers, mostly, and surprise, those are in diet and physical stresses.  It can be so obvious, these straight forward cues, but somehow we can get so embedded in our habits, it’s tricky to remove yourself and look in.  It takes acceptance, and objective observance to really stab at what’s going on underneath the surface.

So back to simplicity- now, I am a person who never got structure drilled in at a young age. I was never told to do chores or make my bed. I didn’t have a particular time where I studied or did my homework, it was always last minute. So I have an extra hard time of creating my own structure.

looking out to the waters
Looking Out- Photo by Harley Pageot

I could sit and hideaway forever like a ghost and not have to deal with people and stressors, but I know as much as anyone I have an itch to scratch and part of that is to come out and seize a purpose that shapes my life. There is too much passion in me to be a ghost and flit about for too long.  There is only so much hiding and feeling sad about hiding that can be done.

I’ve returned to repeated points where I would get tired of myself, the same thoughts and patterns happening over and over. Tired of not putting a foot out there, tired of not trying hard enough.  My history speaks of attempts, but also I must not overlook the successes as they are proof that I can be more and do more.

Simplicity comes to me in form of not trying to tackle all the things, but methodically replacing the bad habits or inserting particular structures.  I also need a slight amount of effort to quiet that convincing drill sergeant in my head.  I’m sure you have one too, screaming in your ear, shouting demands and surely some painful insults to go with them.

To help quiet that sergeant just a little more, I need to remember, and have reminders that, I am enough.  I am worthwhile.

I always knew mornings had something to them every time I’ve attempted to integrate them into my life. Mornings are where things happen. And this is across the board in some research that I have read.  It really is as simple as aligning with nature, where quiet starts and awareness starts taking place.

I discovered making my bed every morning has snowballed into other structure making habits. This stuff is CBT, is yoga practice, is mindfulness, is Ayurveda – it all connects to this idea of simple awareness.  This return to mindful practice.

I can’t stress enough that it isn’t the easiest thing in the world. Especially, where we’re in a world now where our default is to claw around and wrestle with ‘busyness’, stress about future things, agonize about past things and fight for our time.  Time that seems steadily slipping through our key tapping fingers, our gaze, miles away from our bodies.

This is a time now to know that every moment is an opportunity.  An opportunity to live and feel how I want to feel.  Everything else, future worries, past regrets, are just phantoms.  I relinquish my self imposed ghost status as it no longer serves me.

I hope you do the same and become solid with me.

You can find me here, and also here, come say hi!

Love and Guts,

Doc Goreblot

**Here are some helpful books that I have found very useful.

-The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron Ph. D.

here

Internal Wars, Goreblot

So for those of you following these posts, you may have noted that I am not releasing the Goreblots right on Friday anymore nor calling it Fortune Fridays. Due to the fact that I am shifting around and I am feeling out different release times. I admit, it’s a big step being a consistent content maker! Such responsibility!

Yesterday I decided to have a screenless Sunday which was so fantastic I am definitely going to do more. Sometimes we need to take a break from things, slow down, and see the world and remember what it’s like beyond the screen. It was instantaneous for me to reconnect with myself and so humbling and warm to be alone with myself and feel good about it. Often times being so connected in computerland can drive anxiety and depression up the wall bringing this loss of real connection to the self. We’re so driven to publish ourselves and broadcast that a moment is not even taken to consider a moment even. So there’s that.

On to the Goreblot fortunes, shall we.

Your choices:
File 2016-08-29, 12 35 14 PM

Choosing your word/number with a question in your mind, scroll down to get your corresponding answer!

If you chose 1. Voyant.
voyant

Shifts. Cancellations abrupt. You don’t see them coming and you’re surprised but not overly anxious about it. But also maybe not that surprised. You know what’s happening around you, acutely aware of your surroundings. You’ve chosen to put some filters on so you don’t have to deal with certain issues that seem too noisy to you. And these issues are a bit noisy with emotions. However, don’t be too dismissive as these issues will come your way and effect you in due time.

Your attention may be traipsing along a trail that it doesn’t need to go at the moment. You are unhappy with a situation and you see that, yet you continue along because you don’t know what else to do or how to deal with it. Perhaps shifting your perspective and knowing you can’t fix everything exterior to yourself, but you can work on your interior. You know how you’re going to react to something, you may even know how events are going to unfold – since you know this or think you know all this, then you have a lot of power! like whoa. So in that, you have choices. You choose what you are going to do and who you are going to be to these issues you see or choose not to see. It’s up to you, you choose yourself and know the outcome is all you.

Here’s a song for you:

If you chose 2. Miasma.
Miasma

Health complaints. Blaming the weather. The weather is but an ingredient so you may want to investigate other factors. Bio-hack yourself, look at the other ingredients in the recipe that makes you and figure out what’s making you tick, what’s making you feel ‘off’.

Your environment, your social constructs, your exposure – and even exposure to what you expose yourself to, not just what is coming at you. Emphasis on what you expose yourself to, as we make the same recipe, we will get the same results over and over again. So what can you change that you are exposing yourself to that may be hindering your health? What ingredient can you tinker with, something different, to create a different result? And if you really want results you really have to change the recipe and it might not work out the first time. But fumbling around in that kitchen and making mistakes means you will be closer to finding out the right formula.

Avoidance and bedroom judgment from your computer isn’t going to help you here. Defend yourself with all the blogs and memes in the world, they may make you feel righteous for a little while, kicking up a conversation and an awareness, but you’ll still feel there’s something missing. And what that something is is action. Do something if you really want to feel better. Work on yourself, it really is your choice. You deserve wellness, it is your right and no one can interfere with that. Just know that. For real.

Here’s a little song for you:

If you chose 3. Clerical
Clerical

Hey, life gets in the way, as they say. It’s a kind of rationale, it’s kind of an excuse, we all know where our own priorities lie and sometimes they don’t coincide with others’ and that’s ok really. Just remember, the life you chose is the life you chose and be aware of what you choose over something else. If work is taking you away from something you really want to be doing, then perhaps switch your vocation or at least make it so you are closer to what you actually want to do.

I’m not saying quit your job to chase your dream job, that’s too much pressure on your dreams, all of a sudden overwhelming your dreams with real life demands might just crush them into smithereens before they even had a chance. It’s a tricky balance for sure. But what can you push where you are at right now? is there some flexibility there that you’re not seeing? There is always definitely time to sneak in there for something you really want to do. If you want to art away but feel like you don’t have the time, what about sneaking in a 30min session somewhere? even 10min is better than nothing right? And anyways, it’s like training for something big, you have to walk before you can run. So don’t stretch yourself beyond your current limits, go at your current pace, be okay with it and yes, you do have time. You most certainly have the resources.

There may be slight sacrifices, but just weigh out what matters to you most. Time unwinding watching T.V. for instance? or a doodle session at your favourite cafe? you make it a habit just like the mindless internet surfing, you’ll be doing more of what you love in no time.

Take care and listen to this:

I hope you have a terrific week. If you need me, the Doc is here for you.

Love and Guts,
Doc Goreblot

It was a Goreblot Hiatus

It’s been a long time coming to return. The longer I left it, the more guilt that built up and the more procrastination that proceeded because I left it too long. I also have been doing other things and for some reason I feel the unmindful need to save precious brain and body power when I have many activities going on. It’s the unspoken expectations I put on myself once I start pursuing a project. Momentum builds and with it, fear? or laziness?
I really do enjoy doing weekly Goreblots, so there is no excuse that I can conjure that would be satisfying enough in my mind. But perhaps that is my inner perfectionist drill sergeant speaking.

Implementing new habits and lifestyle changes is challenging. To train the brain to follow suit takes a bit of time, it takes time to adapt and ease off the grip of old thoughts and beliefs and habits. It takes practice to be mindful of yourself and what’s happening within as you make these changes. It’s often easy to aim for the superficial changes, the ones you can share right away and gloat progress. There’s nothing wrong with sharing, as long as you remember to come back to yourself, and really key into yourself internally. I made a lot of changes and adjustments to my diet recently and I have been working on it since January this year, 2016. The more I read, the more I learn and have to figure out ways to adjust again and then again. The frustrating beauty lies in the fact that there’s no one way to be set, there’s not going to be one way that works. There is going to be layers of things that work in different ways and overlap. If you start focusing on one thing and it grows to this hyper-focused obsession, you are going to miss the other valuable things that may help on the sidelines. It’s consideration for all the other things that play into your sphere and make things connect and happen for you. It’s playing the role of being your own scientist to your own mind and body. As a scientist, you need to be open minded, open to the fact that variables happen and there will always be another thing that will challenge your notion of what you thought was a standstill truth.

I continuously learn how organization is important for me, and how clear intention helps guide me to my goals and the more clear and honest I am with myself, the easier it is to set up the steps to get there. I’m starting to get out of the vagueness fog and making more firm decisions which is a big challenge for me! Help should never be too below anyone, and it takes a brave soul to ask for it as well as being aware and truthful to yourself when you truly need it. I found another way to boost motivation and attain goals is connecting with sources in a community that you feel you represent. Finding your people, your cult, club, group, society etc., will truly enrich your experience, deepen your understanding and broaden your perspective inevitably and naturally. You’ll find that once you’ve found your people, you’ll find an ease in being vulnerable to each other in what you share. You’ll find the world open up a little more in different areas of your life the more you pursue this and open up yourself.

Hiatus

The physical body as it is, is designed to heal itself. When the brain/mind is at dis-ease, the body reacts and vice versa. To implement change for the mind in habit and/or mental health, prescribe gradual shifts and changes with care, as you would if you were to begin a workout program. Set short term and long term goals, take measurements – in the case of the mind, journalling would be an excellent way to do this, talk to someone to help with your perspective and walk through the snags you encounter, and foremost, be gentle to yourself as you make these small adjustments. Also, an important key is to find that commitment to follow through, and often this is in goal setting and support systems. Being held accountable in some kind of way can drive you to the next steps when you’re ready. And what are some simple ways to get started? I recently discovered the beauty of a simple routine can do wonders for headspace and these simple actions for me are; making the bed and cleaning the dishes right after I’ve dirtied them, cleaning as I go and tidying. Very simple actions, but it has helped create space in my mind for more time to focus on the things I really want to crack down on. It’s a transferable practice as they metaphorically or however you want to put it, relate, in that you take care of business now, you will have less to deal with later and it won’t build up and it will also feel more satisfying and rewarding that it is done. Putting yourself into the act of these simple routines that nourish you and your surroundings will feel like magic and it very well can be.

Take in mind the simple thought that once you start and do something you can then ask yourself, “If I can do this, what else can I do?” or take it from improv (I’ve been taking classes) and take the notion, “If this is true, what else is true?” and a whole world of possibilities will start to open up for you.

Up next: a long overdue public Goreblot 😀

Love and Guts,
Doc Goreblot <3